Played some Beethoven for actor Paul Hogan. He said “That’s not a sonata, THATS a sonata!” and played a song so beautiful I wept for days.
Showed actor Paul Hogan a chicken. He said “Thats not a chicken, THATS a chicken” It was just a turkey, but he was going through a divorce
Told actor Paul Hogan I had a plan to turn my life around. He said “Thats not a life plan, THATS a life plan.” And Ive been sober 2 years.
Showed actor Paul Hogan the film Crocodile Dundee. He says “Thats not a movie THATS a movie” then pulled out Crocodile Dundee II
Gave actor Paul Hogan a gift certificate to Sam Goody. He said “Thats not a gift certificate, THATS a gift certificate,” and gave me an old newspaper.
Baked some cookies for actor Paul Hogan. He said “Thats not a snickerdoodle, THATS a snickerdoodle,” and gave me a really good snickerdoodle.
Pulled a knife on actor Paul Hogan. He said “Thats not a knife, THATS a knife,” and pulled out an electric vibrator. The entire crew burst out laughing. God, that set was SO much fun.
I showed actor Paul Hogan a crocodile. He said “That’s not a crocodile. THATS is a crocodile.” He showed me a creature that resembled a crocodile with a broader snount and teeth that were not visible when it’s mouth was closed, which is an alligator. His whole image is bullshit.
Told actor Paul Hogan about my abusive father. He said “Thats not an abusive father, THATS an abusive father,” and showed a scar on his arm where he says his dad put out a cigarette. We then watched the Breakfast Club and he got sort of jittery near the end and asked me to turn it off.
Let actor Paul Hogan flip through my rolodex. He said “Thats not a rolodex, THATS a rolodex,” and gave me his rolodex full of business cards for asian massage parlors.
Showed actor Paul Hogan what it was like to grow up black in the 1950s. He said “Thats not what it’s like to grow up black in the 1950s, and you can never really understand it, either.”
Played some Beethoven for actor Paul Hogan. He said “That’s not a sonata, THATS a sonata!” and played a song so beautiful I wept for days.
Talked to actor Paul Hogan about the Treasury Department’s plans to stabilize the economy. He said “Thats not an economic policy, THATS an economic policy” and pulled a half dollar out of my ear.
Update!
Blessings from actor Chuck Norris:
I, Chuck Norris, gave Paul Hogan a monogramed pocket watch to celebrate his becoming a US citizen. He turns to me and says “That’s not a present to commemorate my US citizenship, THATS a present for such an event…” And he gave himself a previously unread letter from his father expressing the latter’s hopes and dreams for his son.
It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
Chuck Norris out
SUBMIT YOUR OWN BELOW!! Top rated knives will turn green for easy browsing.
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Was walking down the street minding my own business softly whistling the Star Spangled Banner. Suddenly out of nowhere Paul Hogan shows up and says “That’s not a national anthem, THAT’S a national anthem.” and as I wept he sang the most beautiful rendition of Advance Australia Fair.
I think this is one of the healthiest vegetables. It always helps satisfies my hunger and doesn’t have much calories versus the amount.
After many hours of coaxing my dog with treats, he finally sat on command. As soon as I said “Thats a good dog…”, Paul Hogan drops through the ceiling and says “Thats not a good dog, THATS a good dog” and he pulled out a six foot long hot-dog with mustard and dill relish.
Оффтоп. Как Вы расскрутили свой блог?
I can see that you are an expert at your field! I am unveiling a website soon, and your information will be very functional for me.. Give Thanks for all your help and wishing you all the success in your business.
Paul Hogan and I went to get our H1N1 flu shots together. Just as the doctor was about to give me my shot Paul turned to him and said, “That’s not a flu shot, THAT’S a flu shot,” and then he stuck his erect penis into my arm.
I showed Paul Hogan my record collection He said “Thats not a vinyl collection, THATS a vinyl collection,” He then showed me his closet full of vinyl hotpants
I showed actor Paul Hogan my new I-Phone and he said “That’s not a I-phone. THAT’S an I-phone. Then he pulled out a TI-84 graphing calculator and made a long distance phone call to his mother
I was uncorking wine with Paul hogan when I showed him my corkscrew. He said, “That’s not a corkscrew, THAT’S a knife.” He was right, I still use my old Swiss Army knife to open wine
i showed paul hogan a prototype invention of mine that reduces carbon emission that cars produce to .00001% and said, “Paul, this is the future, man!” he then said, “thats not the future, now THATS the future.” he then showed me a slap chop…
we then enjoyed a quick 4 slap breakfast of an egg, piece of ham, a pickle, and a green onion.
Showed Paul Hogan a picture of Michael Jackson and he said “that’s not a dead celebrity, that’s a dead celebrity” and showed me a picture of Patrick Swayze……..too soon?
so kanyes interupts actor paul hogan and says “look im really happy for you and ima let you finsh in a minute but rambo has one of the best knives of all time”
Told Paul Hogan that what he was holding was not a knife. He said “Thats not a knife, THATS a knife.” . . . ah crap, I messed up.
showed actor paul hogan my new tattoo. he said ‘Thats not a tattoo, THATS a tattoo’… and pointed at Hervé Villechaize. who, even tho is dead, is still renowned for that role!
I brought actor Paul Hogan to the beach. He said “That’s not a beach, THAT’S a beach,” and pointed to my ex-wife.
Met actor Paul Hogan in the city for lunch the other day. When he greeted me, he gave me a friendly punch on the arm…HARD. I wasn’t expecting it so I told him, “Dude, that’s not cool”. Actor Paul Hogan then said, “That’s not not cool. THAT’s not cool.” He then elbowed me in the face before kicking me in the balls.
I showed actor Paul Hogan my pocket watch. He said, “THAT’s not a pocket watch. THAT’s a pocket watch.” He then showed me a shit stained pocket watch that he had pulled from my father’s ass in Vietnam.
Ran into actor Paul Hogan at starbucks in West Hollywood. Showed him my screenplay. He said “That’s not a screenplay, THATS a screenplay,” I read his screenplay and it made me laugh, cry, then laugh again.
I was in the bathroom, taking a shit, when all of the sudden!…A.P.H. bursts in! I said, HEY! Paul??? I’m trying to take a shit here!?! And he says, “That’s not a shit…This, is a shit!” And then to my horror and amazement, he drop his trousers, turned his back to me, squatted, and gave birth to a brown claymation figure of Henry Kissinger! Weird , but , True.
I have known Paul Hogan for the better part of twenty years now. We were eating are normal lunch at Sizzler like we do every Thursday and sure as shit I droped my steak knife. Even though I knew it was comming I asked him to please pass me my knife. Sure as shit he says “you call that a knife” but before he could finish I stood up and smashed him over the head with my dinner plate.
Then I screamed from deep with inside my soul “YES I CALL THAT A KNIFE MOTHERFUCKER AND IF YOU EVER QUESTION ME ABOUT A KNIFE AGAIN IT WILL BE THE LAST THING YOU DO”. I sat down he wiped himself off and we finished our steaks in total quiet. I paid the bill and left $10.00 on the table and that bastard didn’t even skip a beat before he said” you call that a tip”?
We stared at eachother for a whole 4 seconds before we both had the best laugh of our entire lives.
God I love that stupid bastard!
I, a Hollywood agent, was lunching in LA with actors Paul Hogan and Jackie Chan on a Thursday afternoon. After we went over some scripts and some contracts I looked at Paul and noticed him eyeing the room. All of a sudden he says “Thats not a kung fu fighting” I said “what, Paul what the fuck are you talking about?” He ignored me and carried on with a “THAT is kung fu fighting.” He then gave Jackie a nod, which seemed familiar to both of them. Jackie then jumps up and spin kicks a mother of 8 at the next table over. As she hit the floor with blood spewing out of her mouth, I recognized her to be the Goddamn Octomom.
Actor Paul Hogan asked me to say “Thats an infinite loop”. Fearing for my life I complied reapeating “Thats an infinite loop”. To this he repiled “Thats not an infinite loop, THATS an infinite loop” and then Actor Paul Hogan asked me to say “Thats an infinite loop”. Fearing for my life I complied reapeating “Thats an infinite loop” To this he repiled “Thats not an infinite loop, THATS an infinite loop” and then Actor Paul Hogan asked me to say “Thats an infinite loop”…
In an attempt to teach actor paul hogan some ancient history I showed him an old greek map. “Okay Paul” I said “These are the Taygetos mountains, these are the cities of Ionia and this is sparta.” he turned to me, furious and screamd “thats not sparta, THIS…IS…SPARTA!!!” and kicked his girlfriend directly into an oncoming train.
I was cooking soft taco’s for dinner and had invited Paul Hogan over for dinner.
I was cutting up lettuce with my awsome Cutco butcher knife when he said “thats not a knife this is a knife”.
He proceeded to pull out a SlapChop. and started slap slicing my peppers.
I told him he was wrong I was if fact working with a knife and he had a fucking clown shoes Slap Chop. He threw the Slap Chop over his shoulder into the sink hit a hooker and left without his taco.
And his hooker.
Showed actor Paul Hogan a commercial for the “Slap-chop”. He said, “That’s not a lame infomercial, THAT’S a lame infomercial,” and showed me the “snuggie” commercial.
Showed Paul Hogan my new PC. He said, “That’s not a computer, THAT’S a computer,” and pointed to a Mac.
I told actor Paul Hogan that I bought a new bed. He said “That’s not a bed, THAT’S a bed,” and pulled back a curtain to reveail his california king size bed with three virgin super models on it.
Told actor Paul Hogan I might be bisexual. He said “That’s not bisexual, THIS is bisexual,” and pulled his pants down to reveal a vagina that looked like a wizard’s sleeve.
I was telling actor Paul Hogan about my little brother’s third grade play. He said “Thats not a little brother, THATS a little brother,” he then proceeded to squat down right in front of me to take the biggest shit I have ever seen.
Solved Germany’s post WWI economic turmoil with Paul Hogan. After climbing the hierarchical latter and establishing the Third Reich he said, “That’s not a solution, THAT’S a solution,” and then killed the Jews.
I was hanging out with Chuck Norris and Paul Hogan. Paul hogan pointed to Chuck and said “Thats not a friend” then pointed at me “Thats a friend”. With moist eyes Chuck stammered “I…I’m not your friend?”. Paul was just employing some Australian humor but it didnt seem to translate. He realised this the moment he saw chuck’s look of utter rejection and quickly said “No..no man i was joking, you’re my boy..you’re my boy” then embraced him with tears in his eyes.
Told actor Paul Hogan I was under a tax investigation. He said “Thats not a tax investigation that’s a TAX INVESTIGATION.” And pulled out 8 lawyers, 4 Barristers, a High Court case and promptly disappeared to the Cayman Islands.
Two Girls were shopping in a clothing store and one says to the other “Can you believe that my mom took away my allowance?” and the other replies “that’s so gay.” All of the sudden Hilary Duff walks up to them and says “you know you really shouldn’t talk like that. How would you like it if every time someone was acting ignorant and stupid they would say they’re acting so girl wearing a skirt as a top?” referring to the girl that said “that’s so gay.” The two girls look at eachother insulted and confused. Then Paul Hogan comes out benath a clothes rack and says “They’re not acting so a girl wearing a skirt as a top, YOU’RE acting so a girl wearing a skirt as a top” and points to back and Hilary Duff. Then he slapped Hilary in the face and said “think before you speak Bitch,” As Hilary laid on the floor with tears running down her face, Paul made sweet sweet love to the two Girls. And once realizing that they were both underage he ran out of the store and was never seen again. The End.
I recently showed actor Paul Hogan a packet of Doritos stating ‘tastiness guaranteed!’. He said “That’s not a guarantee, THATS a guarantee” and proceeded to show me a picture of Dorito’s CEO and his entire family chained to the wall of his basement.
Went to a comedy club with actor Paul Hogan. In the middle of the act, Paul shouts at the comedian, “That’s not a joke…THAT’S a joke.” The entire crowd looked at actor Paul Hogan, and laughed.
I hit paul hogan with a bat. He says thats not a bat and falls over.
Was in the subway with Paul Hogan. I said, “Hey Paul … this one is our train !!!” He was covered in perspiration and looked at me with red bulging eyes .. then said “Thats not a train … THIS is a train !!.” I was brutally ass plundered by Russell Crowe, Yahoo Serious, Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman (with a strap on), and Paul … on a pinball machine. I still have no idea how a pinball machine wound up in a New York City Subway station.
I showed Paul Hogan thatsaknife.com. He said “that’s not a thatsaknife.com, THAT’S…” then paused, then frowned, then mumbled “fuck it” and jumped the shark.
Went out for ice cream with actor Paul Hogan. I offered him a spoon and he said, “That’s not a spoon, THAT’S a spoon!” and pulled out a ladle.
I showed Paul Hogan a knife and he said, “That’s not a knife, that’s a sword.” I said, “Oh, sorry, I grabbed the wrong one,” and I pulled out an actual knife and he said, “THAT’s a knife.”
Paul Hogan and I were conducting a seance, trying to channel Frank Gorshin. When a green myst wearing a question mark appeared, Paul Hogan said “that’s not a Riddler, THAT’S a Riddler” and promptly painted half his face white and the other half black, then did the same to me with the colours reversed, then kicked me in the balls.
I was on the beach admiring an old timers vintage balsa wood surf board. Referencing the 80’s for no good reason I said “that balsa wood is rad and totally tubular”. Appearing out of nowhere in a speedo and crocodile skin boots Paul Hogan said “That’s not rad and totally tubular”. “THAT’S rad and totally tubular”, and pulled down his speedo exposing his radioactive penis
I pulled out a knife and Paul Hogan said “that’s not a knife, THERE IS NO KNIFE” and ceased to exist.
I pulled out a knife and Paul Hogan said “that’s not a knife, THAT’S a knife” and pulled out a mirror in which I saw my reflection.
We are all a knife.
At the funeral for Gibson, the world’s tallest dog who recently died of cancer, Paul Hogan stood up and said “that’s not a dog, THAT’S a dog” and pulled out a tray of veggie hamburgers*.
*Sadly, this tray of food was an integral training prop for Takeru Kobayashi, who upon losing his next competition, killed himself**.
**Paul Hogan, reading about this suicide some time later, said “That’s not a hari kari, THAT’S a hari kari” and pulled out Ron Burgandy.
So Paul Hogan, DJ AM and Travis Barker walk into a bar. DJ AM OD’s. (Too Soon?)
A short time ago, I was camping with my friends, and actor Paul Hogan. One night, our camp was ransacked by a vicious man-eating bear. I quickly grabbed a gun, and shot at the bear. Paul Hogan said, “That’s not how you catch a predator, THAT’S how you catch a predator.” He then drove us all home in an old, beat up Jeep and turned on NBC for us to watch “To Catch a Predator.” We forgot one of my friends. He died. Fucking asshole Paul Hogan.
I was walking with 1980’s character actor Linda Kozlowski, and these street toughs walked up and pulled a knife on me. I said, “That’s not a knife, THATS a knife,” and I pulled out my huge gut-opening blade. Then I wrote the screenplay for Lightning Jack. Is that how this website works?
was at a strip club with Paul Hogan and during Candy’s second set i pointed to the stage and said “thats some top quality beaver!” He said, “Thats not top quality beaver, THATS top quality beaver.” then pulled a bag of jerky out of his pocket.
I was making a pot of simple chicken soup for Paul Hoagan to help him recover from a nasty bout of the flu. He stepped to the simmering pot, plunged his face into the hot liquid and took a quick slurp. After a few thoughtful moments he exclaimed “that’s not a soup recipe… THATS a soup recipe!” He presented a 5″x7″ index card with beautiful gold foil inlay and a list of over 50 exotic ingredients magnificently written in calligraphy. My knees weakend — It was simply the most moving recipe I had ever seen. I thanked him for opening my eyes to his culinary artistry. He smiled and then pulled his teeth out with a pair on needlenose pliers. I recoiled in horror. He replied “you don’t need no teeth to eat soup.” I just don’t understand that dude.
Me and Paul Hogan were talking about the economy, and I gave him an example of an economic stimulus package. He said “That’s not an economic stimulus package… THAT’S an economic stimulus package” and then proceeded to fondle my balls with a 5 dollar bill in his hand.
I showed Paul Hogan my new propane BBQ, to which he said, “That’s not a gas grill, THAT’s a gas grill.” As he quickly jumped up and pressed his ass to my mouth and farted on my silver and diamond encrusted teeth. I couldn’t help but marvel at his impressive hangtime.
Showed Paul Hogan my tattoo. He said “That’s not a tattoo, THATS a tattoo.” He was pointing at a freckle on his arm. “I’m covered in em!” And he was. Not so much on the face, but on his arms and legs etc. He spends a lot of time outdoors – so it wasn’t surprising.
Those thugs look like rejects from a Michael Jackson video.
I introduced Paul Hogan to my mother. He said “that’s not your mother. THAT’S your mother! I was all like “What the hell! Who is this lady that raised me?” Then my REAL mother and I built him a go-cart, with which he was, obviously, displeased, yet accepted graciously.
Paul Hogan and I went through basic training at Kapooka during Vietnam. One of the last nights there before we split up into different advanced training programs, never to see each other again, we were lying in adjoining bunks after lights out. He noticed I seemed upset and asked what was wrong. I sighed and handed him a photo of my wife and the flashlight I was using to look at it. He looked at it before handing it back and I said, “That’s longing.”
Forty years later, I got a letter in the mail. I opened it to find a sheet of paper with nothing but the words “That’s not longing, THAT’S longing” written on it. Then a small photograph fell out of the envelope. I picked it up and saw the image of Paul and I in basic training, grinning, his arm around my shoulder. On the back he had written “I’ve never stopped loving you.”
Pointed at the beautiful full moon while walking in a field at night with actor Paul Hogan. He said “That’s not a moon, that’s a space station” and proceeded to destroy the Death Star by throwing his knife into the exhaust port without the aid of a targeting computer.
Paul Hogan and I watched “The Godfather 2” last week. After the movie ended Hogan said, “That’s not a sequel… That’s a sequel!” He hurriedly hooked up an old Sony Handy-Cam to the back of my TV and played his homemade sequel to the 1986 comedy “Legal Eagles.” The audio was badly muffled and he couldn’t quite get the picture to stabilize for more than a few seconds. Although I could tell he did his best, I think he expected me to like it more than I did.
Showed Paul Hogan a website about terminal cancer. He said, “That’s not terminal cancer. THAT’s terminal cancer.” He then pulled up /b/ on 4chan
I said to Paul Hogan “You’re just a stereotype” and he said “that’s not a stereotype, THAT’S a stereotype” drank up his Foster’s and beat his wife.
Told Paul Hogan about this meme. He said, ‘that’s not a meme, THAT’S a meme’. And he pulled out a bigger knife. And I said ‘No, Paul, that’s not how it works.’
I was trying to pee with angry morning boner when I notice Paul Hogan standing next to me wearing only a Batman mask and a Speedo. He said “That’s not a toilet, THAT’S a toilet,” and he peed in my laundry hamper.
He then proclaimed that we were “fuckin’ done professionally”, lost his balance and knocked himself out on my boner.
I invited Paul Hogan to watch me perform at the Renaissance festival. After watching what I thought was my best performance, he commented “That’s not a Fife, THAT’S a Fife” and we placed a gargantuan wreath of lovely flowers and a single bullet at Don Knott’s grave. Now I play the accordion at the Renaissance and make much better tips.
I was cooking actor Paul Hogan a dinner… he took one glance at the pan… He said “thats not a dinner.. THATS DINNER!” and threw a crocodile into the pan..
I showed Paul Hogan a slideshow of my lifes greatest accomplishments, to which he replied “That’s not a life!” and showed me his entire body of cinematic work. “Thats a life,” he said.
Told Paul Hogan that Nickelback was like Family Guy, when he turned to me and said “That’s not like Family Guy, THIS is like Family Guy” and he popped in Linkin Park. Then he said “Nickelback is more like an episode of Friends”.
What a motherfucker I said. That’s not a motherfucker Paul Hogan said. THAT’S a motherfucker, showing me video of a clown fucking my mother
Showed actor Paul Hogan how to play golf. He said “Thats not golf, THIS is golf.” He proceeded to skin a crocodile and make a hat out of it.
Showed actor Paul Hogan the Patrick Chewing snickers commercial. After watching it and reacting merely with a blank stare and a slight nod, he proclaimed “That’s not a dunk, THAT’S a dunk” and shoved his balls into my butthole.
I saw Paul Hogan walking down the street. I said, “Hey, it’s Crocodile Dundee!” He said, “That’s not Dundee, this is Dundee!” He then pulled out a map and pointed to Dundee, Illinois. I told him I had never heard of it, and I asked him if they had crocodiles there. He said he didn’t know, but that he likes to think that they do.
Showed actor Paul Hogan evidence of a conspiracy surrounding 9-11. He said “That’s not a conspiracy, THAT’S a conspiracy.” He then handed me classified government documents proving that FDR had sent millions of dollars to the Nazis to fund gruesome medical experiments on Jews in an effort to find a cure for his paralysis.
Told actor Paul Hogan how I sold my 8 gig used iPod to a guy on street for 300 dollars. He said “That’s not ripping someone off, THAT’S ripping someone off…” and proceeded to explain to me how Wall Street investor Bernie Madoff bilked thousands of people out of billions of dollars and bankrupted a nonprofit organization run by Elie Weisel, of a survivor of the Holocaust. Then we wept.
After being the sole survivor of a horrific trainwreck, I sat weeping on the rail as I had watched my entire family burned alive. Along came Paul Hogan and said “That’s not an accident, THAT’S and accident!” as he pointed to the enormous pee stain on his pants.
chuck norris showed off his beard to paul hogan…Paul said that isnt a beard……..and proceeded to get roundhoused to the next dimension……………end of story
I was watching CNN with actor Paul Hogan when I made a comment about reckless spending. He said “Thats not reckless spending, THATS reckless spending” and proceeded to buy me $400 worth of ridiculous bullshit.
Paul Hogan saw me on the street carrying my i-phone. He yelled, “That’s not a Knife! This is a Knife,” while pointing at his empty hand. After seeing my startled and confused look, the anger slowly left his face. He lowered his eyes and asked me if I had a dollar. Then he yelled, “That’s not a dollar! This is a dollar,” while pointing at the dollar I just gave him. After a few more awkward seconds, he lowered his eyes again and wept.
Drinking a pepsi on my porch, I said, “ahh, that’s refreshing.” Actor Paul Hogan proceeded to tell me, “that’s not refreshing, THAT’S refreshing,” he then proceeded to drink his own urine.
Was watching a porn flick when Paul Hogan barged in and said , “Thats not a boner , THAT’S A BONER ! ” , pointing behind to Josh Andrew Koenig , who played boner on Growing Pains. Turns out he had been behind me the whole time rubbing body gel in his arm pit.
Showed Paul Hogan my knife. He said ” that’s not a knife, THAT’S a kni…..” when suddenly Sean Connery jumped out a shot him, yelling “JUST LIKE AN AUSSIE TO BRING A KNIFE TO A GUN FIGHT!!!!!”.
I told Paul Hogan that I forgot my wife’s birthday because I was stressed at work. He said “THAT’s no way to treat your wife…” and then he stopped mid-sentence. He was right. That was no way to treat my wife.
Showed Paul Hogan the movie Die Hard and pointed to the black cop and said “Thats Carl Winslow” He said “That’s not Carl winslow, THATS Carl Winslow” and pointed at his Limo Driver. We then both threw boomerrangs at Carl, his came back mine didn’t.
Showed Actor Paul Hogan a mirror. He said, “That’s not a mirror, THAT’S a mirror!” He then proceeded to rip a whole in the fabric of space and time, and presented hundreds of alternative realities to me. Then he pulled out a knife.
I told Paul Hogan, “Give him your wallet, he’s got a knife”, and he said, “that’s not a knife, THAT’s a knife,” and I went on to be type-cast and have a crappy career, but. hey, at least I didn’t have to touch the balls of a transvestite.
Paul Hogan and I sat and watched 1960’s sitcom Hogan’s Heroes. He said to me, “That’s not a hero, I’LL show a hero”, and he pulled out a bazooka and blew up the TV.
I told Paul Hogan about my many years of playing WoW and my level 80 mage and he said “That’s not a life, THATS a life,” and he lovingly kissed away the tears rolling down my cheek after hearing Jermaine’s rendition of “Smile.” I deleted Meglar the next day.
Paul Hogan said to Hulk Hogan, “Your not a Hogan, I show you a Hogan” and piledrove him.
Actor Paul Hogan walked into a Cadillac dealership and checked out the new cars. A salesman came up and told him “That’s not you Father’s Cadillac”. To which actor Paul Hogan pointed to a car and said “THAT’S my father’s cadillac”. Except it was a Buick. And it belonged to my Aunt Shelley. And no’s seen her for like a week. The dog did cough up a funny shaped bone.
I took Paul Hogan to the L.A. County Museum of Art and showed him the famous Magritte painting of a pipe that says “This is not a pipe” in french right beneath the image. Paul Hogan stared at it silently for about three or four minutes and then kicked me in the nads hard.
I asked Paul Hogan if he had a personal relationship with Christ. He said “That’s not a religion, THAT’S a religion,” and handed me a pamphlet on putting my trust in Jesus. I told him that it was the same religion I was talking about and he shushed me and gave me a hug.
I showed Paul Hogan a screenplay I’d written, hoping he might be able to show it to some people in the industry. He scoffed “That’s not a screenplay, THAT’S a screenplay,” and pulled out a script he’d written for the next installment in the THREE NINJAS series. It lacked the juvenile humor of the earlier THREE NINJA films but was profoundly moving. I thanked him for letting me read it.
I was showing Paul my new recorder, I even played a few notes. He laughed loudly and said “That’s not a fife this is a fife” He then pulled out a concert Flute and played a beautiful sonata. Fuck you Paul Hogan you smug bastard.
Showed Paul Hogan an instant messaging client. “That’s not a Yahoo Messenger, THAT’S a Yahoo Serious! Messenger”, he exclaimed. In the same breath, as if possessed, he apologised to everybody who’d mentioned Yahoo Serious. That’s just the kind of guy he is.
Later that day, eating nibbles, he stood in the corner, weeping. Scattering tears and crumbs in equal measure. He was a messy eater, and very upset.
I watched Armageddon with Paul Hogan and he said “That’s not an Armageddon, THIS is an Armageddon” and he clenched his fists, closed his eyes and strained til the veins on his neck were popping out.. then he suffered a rectal prolapse all over my floor.
I once said to Paul Hogan that he was wrong, that it WASN’T a knife and was actually a fork. He said “That’s not a joke, THIS is a joke” and showed me a picture of your face.
I held up a mirror to actor Paul Hogan and he said, “That’s not a two-note asterisk in the annals of pop culture, THIS is a two-note asterisk in the annals of pop culture,” and he pulled out Pauly Shore.
Tried to sell actor Paul Hogan a fake Rolex. “That’s not a Rolex. THAT’S a Rolex.” He pointed to the electronic monitoring bracelet issued to him by the court.
Showed Paul Hogan my Exacto Knife. He said “That’s not an Exacto Knife, THATS an Exacto Knife.” And Then he began laughing while throwing glitter on me in Arts & Crafts.
I offered Paul Hogan a swig of liquor and he said, “That’s not a drink, THAT’s a drink.” Then he sucked Ted Kennedy’s corpse dry.
told Paul Hogan a knock knock joke. He said “Thats not a knock knock joke; THATS a knock knock joke” and he walked outside and knocked on the door. When I answered it, he was standing there smiling at me and just peeing. He’s actually not as big as I thought he’d be…
Held a mirror in front of Paul Hogan. He said “That’s not a Hogan, THAT’S a Hogan,” and he popped in an old VHS of March 29, 1987’s Wrestlemania 3. We both cheered at the climax when the Hulkster proved to you and me that he could body-slam Andre the Giant.
When I said “that’s no moon…”Paul Hogan tried to say something,but was ultimately speechless.He just nod his head in approval.
I was cleaning up a mess with a regular towel. Paul Hogan shows up, says, “That’s not a towel, THAT’S a towel.” He then pulled out a ShamWow!
Showed actor Paul Hogan how to play Quake and he said “That’s not a Quake, THAT’S a Quake!” and then the earth began to tremble and now I live on the street.
Paul Hogan just showed up to my grandmother’s funeral. He is giving a speech. He said, “That’s not a funeral, THAT’S a funeral.” He then proceeded to bury me ali
I went to a party with Noelene Hogan. Paul Hogan said, “That’s not a wife, THAT’S a wife,” and pulled out Linda Kozlowski.
I pulled out a knife. Paul Hogan said “Tha…” and started choking on whatever he was eating. (Twizzler? Slim Jim?) Well, I performed the Heimlich and everything was cool. Me? A hero? Compared to you, maybe.
I showed Paul Hogan my cock. He said “Thats not a cock, THATS a cock” and my ass has been sore ever since
I approached actor Paul Hogan with the intent of mugging him. When I showed him my knife, he said, “That’s not a knife–THIS is a KNIFE!” and he brought out a bigger knife.
Fortunately, I had also brought my gun.
Paul Hogan caught me masturbating and he said, “That’s not masturbating, THAT’S masturbating.” He then preceded to jerk himself off and made ME cum!
I showed actor Paul Hogan H.R. 3200 sec. 1233. He said, “That’s not a death panel, THAT’S a death panel,” and he pulled out a 2×4 and bludgeoned me with it.
Told actor Paul Hogan I had a sore asshole. He said “Thats not a sore asshole….THIS is a sore asshole” Paul Hogan raped me
I showed Paul Hogan a picture of Arnold Schwartzenegger. He said, “That’s not a tumor, THAT’S a tumor,” as he pulled Ted Kennedy’s bloated body from it’s coffin.
I showed Paul Hogan a long way to Tipperary. He said, “That’s not a long way…THAT’s a long way.” Then he wrote the car off and I had to walk to Tipp the whole way from Kilkeel.
We no longer speak.
I showed Paul Hogan that you spell coffee c-o-f-f-e-e. He said, “That’s not how you spell coffee, THATS how you spell coffee,” And proceeded with “B-E-E-R”
I, Chuck Norris, gave Paul Hogan a monogramed pocket watch to celebrate his becoming a US citizen. He turns to me and says “That’s not a present to commemorate my US citizenship, THATS a present for such an event…” And he gave himself a previously unread letter from his father expressing the latter’s hopes and dreams for his son.
It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
Chuck Norris out
Paul Hogan and I where walking down the street when this panhandler asked us for change claiming to be homeless and claimed he was sleeping in doorway of an empty dry cleaning business. Paul Hogan said ” thats not homeless, this is homeless” and he took us all to his cardboard box in an alley behind a Blockbuster and told us he spends his days in the Blockbuster trying to get people to rent “Almost an Angel” and then told us his last job was a poster boy for the street-people
Paul Hogan and I where walking down the street when this panhandler asked us for change claiming to be homeless and claimed he was sleeping in doorway of an empty dry cleaning business. Paul Hogan said ” thats not homeless, this is homeless” and he took us all to his cardboard box in an alley behind a Blockbuster and told us he spends his days in the Blockbuster trying to get people to rent “Almost an Angel” and then told us his last job was a poster boy for the street-people.com
I introduced Paul Hogan to David Angelo. Paul Hogan said, “That’s not a David Angelo, THAT’S a no talent hack”. He was pointing at David Angelo when he said it. Because David Angelo is a no talent hack.
Told Paul Hogan about Ted Kennedy’s death. He said, “That’s not a tragedy, THATS a tragedy,” and showed me a picture of Milli Vanilli.
Showed Paul Hogan my new bong and he said, “that’s not a bong, THAT’s a bong,” and gave me a humongous bong. We then blazed hard-core.
Showed actor Paul Hogan Blazing Saddles. He said “Thats not a comedy, THATS a comedy” Then we watched Mean Girls. He peed himself laughing.
I suggested to Paul Hogan that Crocodile Dundee was the one and only high pojnt of an otherwise undistinguished comedy acting career. He said “That’s not the one and only high pojnt of an otherwise undistinguished comedy acting career, THATS the one and only high pojnt of an otherwise undistinguished comedy acting career.” And he pulled out a DVD of Crocodile Dundee. And I said ‘See?’
Showed actor Paul Hogan my rather large knife and he said “THAT’S a knife”!
“….Having gone through the whole initial hilarious knife interchange the script should have continued the dialogue with a series of further knives produced alternately by the mugger and Crocodile Dundee characters, escalating in size to absurd physical dimensions until the whole scene took on a surreal nature.
Director Peter Faiman’s failure to interject this much needed extra visual aspect into the movie left it a little deficient in the cinematography of physicality for my tastes…..”
Leonard Maltin, The Year in Cinema (1986)
I pointed out a stunning monarch butterfly to Paul Hogan. He said “that’s not a butterfly, THAT’S a butterfly” and he was gesturing towards me. Then he explained that “butterfly” was Australian slang for “fag.” Come on, man. Have I ever said anything about your vest?
Menacingly showed Paul Hogan my knife. He said “that’s not a knife, THAT’S a knife,” and showed me a much bigger knife. But come on – what I showed him WAS a knife. Just a smaller one. And my uncle Javier gave it to me when he got back from Vietnam. He said it was the only thing he managed to keep from the war – that his honor and his humanity were left behind on those rice paddies so many miles away. I kept it with my lucky marbles in my favorite pencil box under some loose flooring in my closet until I was 18. And I STILL only bring it out on special occasions. Paul Hogan spoke out of turn and I walked away with badly bruised feelings. Also, he fucked up my jacket.
Me: “Hey Paul, check out this knife”
PH: “That’s not a knife, that’s a fork you wanker”
Me: “No not that, the thing next to it”
PH: “Oh that! Yeah that’s a knife. Sorry, I’m not very good at short distances without my glasses”
Me: “Well put them on then you stupid old bastard!”
PH: “Nahhh, I mainly only wear them for reading or driving”
Me: “Well can’t you get contacts or something instead”
PH: “They make my eyes itch”
Me: “Your eyes itch? How can your eyes itch?”
PH: “Not my eyeballs obviously, just the area around them”
Me: “Oh”
“Dude, I’ll fucking stab you”, this dude told Crocodile Dundee.
“That isn’t cool mate,” said Crocodile Dundee.
“Sorry,” the dude replied, laying his tiny pen-knife down.
“No worries mate, it’s cool,” said Crocodile Dundee.
I offered Paul Hogan some chewing gum. He said, “that’s not chewing gum, THAT’S chewing gum”. Then he started eating guano and blew a series of amazing guano bubbles.
I showed actor Paul Hogan my new MacBook. He said, that’s not a Mac, THAT’s a Mac, and he brought out actor Justin Long. Apparently, they’re roommates.
Had an interesting argument with Paul Hogan the other day about his obsession with plastic surgery. I lamented the fact that he had submitted himself to the scalpel of Beverley Hills finest when he could have gotten just as good a job done under an Australian scalpel. He looked at me with disgust, his nose imperceptibly sliding a few millimeters down his face and decried “That’s not a learned medical opinion – THIS is a learned medical opinion!” And then Jocelyn Wildenstine stepped out of the ladies room, strutted over and with her little pinkie finger and it’s two inch painted nail expertly repositioned his nose on his face and blew me a bitter lemon kiss…to which I responded by vomiting uncontrollably!
That’s not a redesign.
This is a redesign. (Shows picture of VW bug).
Walked through a park with Paul Hogan and pointed out a tulip. He said, “That’s not a tulip, THAT’S a tulip,” and he pointed at a tulip. Turns out I had been pointing at a daffodil. I felt like such an asshole. God dammit, it was my one chance to impress Paul Hogan!
Showed Paul Hogan a picture of himself and said “That’s a great Australian actor” and he said “That’s not a great Australian actor, THAT’S a great Australian actor” and pulled out a picture of Yahoo Serious.
Pointed out a disfigured man in a mall to Paul Hogan and said “That’s a fucked up face”, he proceeded to exclaim “That’s not a fucked up face, THAT’s a fucked up face” and he pulled Joan Cusack out of his jacket.
I asked Paul Hogan to help me pick out a hamster. He said, that’s not a hamster! That’s a ferret, you bloody idiot. He then proceeded to buy an economy sized bag of alligator kibble, and left me stranded at the pet store.
Gave Actor Paul Hogan a good reason to keep acting and he said “That’s not a good reason, THAT’S a good Riesen!” and he handed me a Werther’s Original which is like a Riesen only vanilla flavored instead of chocolate. He’s been my grandfather ever since.
Took actor Paul hogan to a concert the other day. He said “that’s not music, THATS music!” and he played the lead singers dick like a trumpet.
I was walking around New York City and saw actor Paul Hogan with some smooth blonde. I asked him for a light and, once he got it for me, cleverly added “…and your wallet,” as I produced my switchblade. He just chuckled and said, “That’s not a knife, THAT’S a knife,” and proceeded to cut up my favorite red leather jacket with this huge fucking knife.
Showed actor Paul Hogan a 9mm. He said, “that’s not a gun, THAT’S a gun, he then hopped into a tank and proceeded to go on a rampage through the city.
Offered actor Paul Hogan some beef jerky. He said, “That’s not beef jerky. THATS beef jerky,” and then ate a crocodile.
I went tanning with actor Paul Hogan and we both stepped out into the sunlight afterward and he said “That’s not natural, THAT’s natural!” and he pointed to two dogs doing it.
I was talking to Paul Hogan at a dinner party once. I said I watched the movie “The Buddy Holly Story” starring Nick Nolte. Paul Hogan said “that’s not Nick Nolte. That’s Gary Busey. Now THAT’S a Nick Nolte” and he lifted his shirt and showed his full stomach tattoo of Nick Nolte’s face. Dedication.
I told Paul Hogan that the Maersk Alabama was hijacked by pirates. He said “Thats not a hijacking by pirates, THATS a hijacking by pirates.” He then showed me a gay porn he made in the early 80’s called ‘Cockthroat Island’ where he was ravaged by Longdong Silver and Capt. Blackcock, while screaming “yar thats my ass yer doin’!”
The Jonas Brothers showed Paul Hogan their purity rings. Paul Hogan said, “That’s not a purity ring, THATS a purity ring,” and showed them his crocodile skin cock ring.
I told Paul Hogan it was Earth Day. He said “that’s not Earty Day, THAT’S Earth Day!” and watched the movie Bio-Dome.
I was traveling through Las Vegas with Paul Hogan and his girlfiend, when he refused to pay back money I’d lent him. I asked my friend Robbie to help me make him pay up. Robbie stood over Hogan with a menacing stare. Hogan just laughed. His girlfriend said “give him the money, he’s got a Knievel”. Suddenly he produced the amazingly preserved body of Evel Knievel and said “That’s not a Knievel, THAT’s a Knievel”. I never did get my money.
I showed Paul Hogan my dog. He said “That’s not a dog, THAT’S a dog” and stole Obama’s dog. Haven’t heard from Hogan since. Then again who has?
Paul Hogan saw my pen and said “That’s not a pen THAT’S a pen” and pulled out a feathered quill.
I showed Paul Hogan Abu Ghraib pictures and he said “That’s not a war crime THAT’S a war crime” and showed me footage of Larry the Cable Guy on a USO tour.
I showed actor Paul Hogan a regular household stainless steel knife one would use for food preparation. He said “that’s not a knife…this is a knife!” and produced the new Miracle Blade III with which he then prepared a vast array of exciting and imaginitive meals, interspersing the dishes with a demonstration of some usage of the knife that was not immediately obvious, or indeed possible, with a conventional kitchen implement. Oh Boy!…this thing even cuts through, metal, wood and brick!
Buy one today and for no extra cost we’ll elect not to come round to your house and stab you in the throat with it!
John 3:16
I was admiring a diminutive cutting implement in a shop window in Osaka when suddenly Paul Hogan appeared and said, “That’s not a knife, THAT’s a knife,” and introduced me to Japanese pop-punk trio Shonen Knife. I gasped at his connections within the oriental music underworld…
Showed my new Bench Press to Paul Hogan and pressed 250 lbs in front of him. He said ” That’s not a Bench Pres., thats a bench press ” and whipped out a laminated picture of Elvis sitting on a park bench.
I showed Hollywood actor Paul Hogan my Amazon Kindle e-book. He said, “That’s not an e-book. THAT’s an e-book!” and pulled out Sue Grafton’s fifth novel.
As actor Paul Hogan was leaving a restaurant I whispered “watch this” to my wife, with whom I was having lunch, and stood up and waved the knife I was holding in front of his face. I was somewhat dismayed that instead of playing along with the gag and completing the dialogue Mr. Hogan shook his head and rolled his eyes skyward before pushing by me quite brusquely. Unperturbed by this incident I subsequently confronted him several more times at later dates as the gruffness of his demeanour and my seemingly unending obliviousness to his ire escalated to comical levels. Matters came to a head when I put a live crocodile in the pool of his Beverly Hills home and it ate his wife’s beloved cocker spaniel.
These incidents formed the basis for my independent film “Crocodile Tears” which was a critics favourite at the 2005 Sundance Festival.
Showed actor Paul Hogan an episode of That’s So Raven. He said “That’s not So Raven, THAT’S So Raven!” and showed me the unaired premiere of the upcoming season.
Showed actor Paul Hogan a time machine. He said “Thats not a time machine, THATS a time machine” and then he subsequently vomited upon now knowing his future in film.
Actor Paul Hogan and I watched the Bulls beat the Celtics behind a record-setting 36 points from Derrick Rose. “Man, Derrick Rose is sensational,” I said. “That’s not a Rose. THAT’S a Rose!” He said, as the TV cut to Jalen Rose in the studio. Pretty clever, I thought, and glanced over at him to nod with approval. But Hogan wasn’t watching the TV at all and had taken a dump in his hand and was smelling it. That guy needs to re-read Shakespeare.
Showed actor Paul Hogan my Toyota Camry. He said, “That’s not a car, THAT’s a car,” and then he drove up in a brand new Bentley; however, the comparison was so unfair and he was so obviously trying to flaunt his 80s wealth that he was the one who ended up looking like an asshole.
Showed actor Paul Hogan my 3G iPhone. He said, “That’s not a phone, THAT’s a phone,” and he pulled out some futuristic-looking cell phone made in Korea; however, I refused to concede and instead tried to explain to Mr. Hogan that though his phone was admittedly comprised of superior technology, said fact did not entirely render my 3G iPhone non-existent, and therefore my phone WAS INDEED a phone, albeit a slightly larger yet less impressive one than his.
I told actor Paul Hogan an unlikely story. He said “That’s not unlikely, THATS unlikely,” and he raped a unicorn
Showed a picture of Obama to Paul Hogan. He said “That’s not a President, THATS a President”. He then whipped out a laminated pic of Hon John Hogg.
I told teenage Paul Hogan, “Meat is murder.”
Paul Hogan said, “That’s not a murder, THAT’S a murder,” and he pointed to Beatles drummer Ringo Starr.
That’s when I realized that Paul Hogan is dyslexic.
And all those years, I chastised him come report card time…
I showed actor Paul Hogan my rare pressing of the hit single Every Day is Like Sunday and told him it was my favourite Smiths song ever. He said “That’s not a Smiths song, that’s a Morrissey solo release!” I can smile about it now but at the time it was terrible.
I showed a photo of Paul Hogan’s family to Paul Hogan. He said, “That’s not a Hogan family, THAT’S a Hogan family” and he showed me an episode of that sitcom from the 80s that had Sandy Duncan on it.
I showed Paul hogan a time machine today. He said “that’s not a time machine, THAT’S a time machine!” and he pointed at his watch.
I showed Paul hogan a time machine yesterday. He said “that’s not a time machine, THAT’S a time machine!” and kicked me into today.
I hand paul hogan a baby. he says “that’s not a baby, THAT’S a baby,” and he hands the baby back to me.
I gave actor Paul Hogan an ultimatum once. He said, “Thats not an ultimatum… THATS an ultimatum.” Then my girlfriend was suddenly okay with the idea of not getting married.
I once gave actor Paul Hogan a gyros sandwich. He said, “Thats not a gyros, THATS a gyros.” and pulled out some foccia bread with kangaroo paws on it. I ate the entire thing, and he was right, that was a gyros.
“Here’s a cocksucker that deserves a beating”, I said, and brought out that bartender from that old bar, Augenblick. Henry. He was supposedly in some Susan Vega song.
He says, “That’s no a cocksucker that deserves a beating, THAT’s a cocksucker that deserves
beating. Seriously.”
Out came that jerk who used to take money at that old bar, Lounge Axe. At the door, for shows.
Unknown name. Real unpleasant little troll. Real fucking dog shit human being.
Henry smirked and left.
Paul said, “You just dislike him. He’s bad, but definitely nowhere near the worst.”
“True,” I said, “That door guy at the Abbey Lounge would’ve been a much better choice.”
He nodded in agreement.
“I’d like you to meet my Dad,” I said to Paul Hogan.
It was an actor, who looked like a typical Dad.
Hogan goes, “That’s no Dad. Here’s a Dad.”
And out came this guy, another actor, who looked way, WAY more like a typical Dad.
Showed the actor Paul Hogan the photo of my young daughter that I look at daily to inspire me to kick crystal meth and he said, “That’s not a photo to inspire you to kick crystal meth. THAT’s a photo to inspire you to kick crystal meth,” and out comes a photo of David Angelo with my daughter and both are smoking cigarettes.
Started a discussion about the tea party protests with Paul Hogan. He said “Thats not a tea party, THATS a tea party” and he put his balls in my mouth.
I took actor Paul Hogan to the library and showed him a book about the history of the British Empire, and he said, “That’s not an empire, THAT’s an empire,” and he pulled out a picture of Barack Obama with a Hitler mustache penciled in. I was disturbed yet highly intrigued by his insightful political comment.
Showed actor Paul Hogan a meaningful use of time. He said “that’s not a meaningful use of time. That’s a meaningful use of time” as he linked me to this site.
Gave Paul Hogan a non sequitur. He said “that’s not a non sequitur, THAT’S a non sequitur” and he gave me a bar of Lava soap.
Ordered pizza with actor Paul Hogan. He said “Thats not delivery, THATS delivery” and took a hot DiGiorno’s pizza out of the oven and threw it in my face.
Gave Paul Hogan a handjob. Paul Hogan said, “That’s not a handjob. THAT’S a handjob” and he proceeded to whack me off. Got kinda quiet after that.
I showed actor Paul Hogan my sleeping bag. He said, “That’s not a sleeping bag, THATS a sleeping bag,” and he cut open a crocodile, crawled inside and went to sleep.
Showed Paul Hogan my soul. Paul Hogan said, “That’s not a soul, THAT’S a sole” and he kicked me in the face with the sole of his boot until I was unconscious. Don’t open up to this guy.
Showed actor Paul Hogan my dick today. He said “Thats not a dick!” and walked away laughing. I cried.
Told actor Paul Hogan I was sleepy. He said “That’s not sleepy, THATS sleepy,” and he pointed at bashful from the 7 dwarfs. I think he was drunk.
I asked actor Paul Hogan for a light and he pulled a goddamn knife on me! I said, “That’s not a light!” He replied, “Whoops, sorry mate. Just reflexes.”
Showed actor Paul Hogan my “I’m with Stupid” T-Shirt. He said, “that’s not a T shirt. THIS is a T shirt.” And he pointed at his pants
Showed actor Paul Hogan my scars from cutting myself in high school. He said “That’s not a scar. THAT’S a scar.” And he showed me a picture of his father leaving him when he was a child.
I showed actor Paul Hogan a small paring knife with hopes of illiciting a humourous reaction. A bodyguard wrestled me to the ground and I was interrogated for three hours by the cops. You see I’d accidentally mistaken Paul Hogan for Linda Hogan, Hulk Hogan’s estranged wife.
I showed actor Paul Hogan a series of iconic 80’s pop culture images. At first he smiled and seemed happy but then because morose and confused. I was saddedned to see he has the classic signs of the early onset of Alzheimers. Still at least I have my Flashdance trading cards to keep me happy!
I was at Shea Stadium in 2006 taking in a game with actor Paul Hogan when Jose Reyes extended his hit streak to 11 games. Hogan said, “That’s not a hit streak. THAT’S a hit streak.” Paul Hogan hit safely in the next 49 games, finishing the season with a .362 average. Not a record, but still very impressive.
I took actor Paul Hogan out to dinner at Outback Steakhouse. He said, “That’s not a steakhouse, THAT’S a steakhouse” and he took me to Olive Garden.
Told actor Paul Hogan my dream about my dad leaving my in a mine shaft. He said “That’s not an Oedipus Complex. THAT’S an Oedipus Complex.” And then he showed me naked pictures of an 80 year old. I blinded myself before I got the whole explanation.
Showed actor Paul Hogan the website thatsakinfe.com and he said “Thats not a viral website, thats a lawsuit waiting to happen” then he handed me a cease-and-desist notice and asked me to pass it along to you. What’s your address?
Showed actor Paul Hogan my slideshow from my trip to Australia. He said “That’s not a good presentation of the Outback. THAT’S a good representation.” He took me to the Steakhouse where we had a bloomin’ onion.
Did a somersault for actor Paul Hogan. He said “That’s not gymnastis. THAT’S gymnastics.” And he shot an alligator with a pistol.
I showed actor Paul Hogan this website and he said, “That’s not a website…THAT’S a website.” and showed me http://www.hotaussiesluts.edu
I met actor Paul Hogan and told him about my diverticulitis. He said, “That’s not a disease, THAT’S a disease,” and he was pointing at this old beleagured person, who he went to have sex with, and he ended up contracting Auto-Immune Deficiency Syndrome.
Made actor Paul Hogan a spaghetti dinner. He said, “That’s not a spicy meat-a-ball, THAT’S a spicy meat-a-ball,” and pulled out a ball of garbage. It was delicious.
I tried to hold a conversation about serious subjects such as the war in Darfur and the American economy with Paul Hogan. He said “That’s not a serious subject, THATS a serious subject,” and handed me a VHS copy of “Young Einstein”.
Did my infamous South Dakotan accent for actor Paul Hogan. He said “That’s not an accent. That’s an accent” He he pulled off a remarkable Scottish accent. Honestly, I was surprised.
Showed actor Paul Hogan a corned beef on rye, he said “that’s not a corned beef on rye THATS a corned beef on rye” and showed me a photo of former Milwaukee Braves pitcher Warren Spahn.
Showed actor Paul Hogan a tautological proof. He said “That’s not a tautology, THATS a tautology,” and wrote out the same proof.
I showed actor Paul Hogan Home Alone and he said “That’s not a one hit wonder actor. THAT’S a one hit wonder actor” And he showed me a copy of Crocodile Dundee.
Gave actor Paul Hogan a tasty pancake. He said “That’s not a pancake. THAT’s a pancake.” It was a waffle.
Showed actor Paul Hogan my new laptop and he said “That’s not a computer, THATS a computer” and he handed me my own brain.
Cured an infection for actor Paul Hogan. He says “That’s not a cure. THAT’S a cure.” and I no longer had a burning sensation when I peed.
Broke my arm in front of Paul Hogan. He said “Thats not a broken arm, THATS a broken arm,” and then shot himself in the face